post-show jitters

so, if y’all are following me on IG you would know that i just had an amazing show last Thursday (yay!).

sadly, on this same day i lost my grandfather who had been battling cancer for a couple years. i didn’t know that the death would affect me, but it did briefly. as i am traveling to FL for the funeral this weekend, i am sure that more feelings will come up.

i find it interesting that on a day that i have one of the biggest performances of my career thus far, a death in the family happens like this. it made me think about how little time we actually have on this earth, and if reincarnation is real, how your spirit may become manifested into another life force. or that your spirit possibly stays with your loved ones and regenerates them.

(i hope im making some kind of sense. i honestly have not processed a family death in a long time. when i was in grad school it was impossible to travel bc of distance and finances. so the few family members that have passed since then i have just kinda said “dang” and moved on. this is different though. now that i have a job and i have a lil bit more wiggle room to travel, i can actually grieve his death with my family. so i am sad that this happened but grateful that i can travel to be with family during this time.)

i would say that my grandfather did make attempts to understand the music and performance i do. he was adamant that i needed to produce some “clean” content in order to allow more audiences in. i wonder what he thinks of gay drake. at any rate, i dedicated the performance to him without having knowledge of his death at the time. it was a great show and i wonder if his spirit was with me in some way. i like to think the dead are forgiving.

since the show, though, i have been in go-mode. im trying to line up some shows for the summer. if i can have at least one a month for the summer that would be great for me. ofc i would one day love to perform weekly and daily and pay all my bills that way, but this is a start. thats what i have to teach myself: it all starts somewhere; it all starts small. rn i got 6 followers on Bandsintown, 9 followers on Bandcamp, 89 subscribers on YouTube, 124 on Spotify, 1.8K on IG (which like yass!). these numbers will grow the more i grow. but i have been teaching myself to not be stuck on the numbers as much as staying consistent.

so imma just keep promoting the album and producing content. i got some music vids coming soon :)

also, gay drake cds NOW ON SALE! https://www.jalenthompsonmedia.com/merch